I have been trying to come up with something to blog about all day, and it just wasn't happening, so i decided that i would open up a new post and start typing... We'll see what happens. 

I need a new hard drive for the laptop, as this one is constantly full.  I suppose having 90GB of music may not be helping matters, but i love me my music. 

There is nothing on TV tonight?  Is anyone else watching anything exciting?  I am up for anything right now...  Boredom persists. 

I am taking my sweet fucking time with the Mr. Meeble remix i am working on, mostly due to the websites that are dominating my life.  I know it is personal preference, but i fucking HATE flash with a passion.  I mean, nice little gadgets like audio players are nice, but full sites in flash for flash's sake are tedious.  Sometimes i like just getting the information i am looking for and am completely disinterested in seeing your dancing fucking panda.  I suppose this explains my take on building websites, sorry if my simplicity isn't flashy enough to hold the attention of most twelve year old children with ADHD. 

I think i am going to uninstall the video editing suite on my laptop, and instead install it on my other Mac.  It is taking up far too much space for something i am not at all using.  We all know I need the space for making verbose remixes of songs that no one will listen to!

It is weird to be trolling IMDB and Twitter all day, i feel like i somehow tripped and landed in my life from 5 years ago.  I was listening to an old radio show of mine last night, and realized that it was from May 2006.  Has it really been that long?  That kinda blew my mind.  I think i need to breathe new life into Shattered Reality Radio, but i am completely uncertain as to how i should go about doing it.  I love doing live broadcasts, with a chatroom and people listening, but i have so little time anymore to do it, and no one is around anymore to listen.  If i had some people that were into it, i would make it happen.  I miss DJing.  I sent a txt to Leanne last night about this very topic, and i think i just need to find a club where i can DJ.  Yeah, i see that happening.

I am conflicted about people following me on Twitter.  I don't mind the real, actual people following me, but random people named Mary that only post "Please follow me" in their twitter give me pause.  Why are they even following me...?  I am assuming it is an attempt to get me to follow them, but to what end?  Do they then re-sell the twitter account to someone with some sort of advertising message to send...?  And if that is the case, do not the followers of that account disappear after all the account does is start to spam adverts that no one wants to read?  I think i am spending too much time analyzing this trend. 

I am now browsing through Netflix for something to instantly watch this evening.  Not really finding anything but Stand-up to watch.  I really wanted to watch a movie...  Netflix is recommending i watch Clash of the Titans.  I should shoot myself for even contemplating it.  I love my mythology, but...  no, can not do that to myself this evening.  Oh, here we go, another recommended gem:  The Postman.  I might just do it at this point...  I am just that bored.

I wish i had someone to talk to, it would make the evening manageable. 

Okay, this post is descending into a place i certainly want it not to go...  So i am off.

~

What a jip!  How could i not post a blog tonight...?  The nerve of me!

Worked a bunch on Woburnite.com this evening, and it was fantastic.  Working hard on getting some ideas together to move things in a fast and happy direction. 

I am going to re-implement search tomorrow, as i can't figure out WTF is making cron throw temper tantrums.  But apparently everything i have tried is wrong.  Wrong wrong wrong. 

I should be working more on the Regional Center's website tomorrow, as well as delving a little bit into Keith's website.  Yay custom hot-rods.  I need to focus a bit on the Keith site, as he is giving me a nice car. 

In other news: David thinks the FBI is watching my website.  So i had better be careful. 

So yeah, search will be back, stronger, better, faster, harder.

Oh, and new remixes might be in your future.  Thanks to the awesomeness of Mr. Meeble. 

Alright, i am off, the dance floor calls...

~

Well, first off, search is down.  It was fucking with my cron jobs, so it had to bite the bullet.  I am looking for another solution, until then, this is what we've got.

I went on a social networking rampage today.  Not sure exactly what i am going to do with all of the services, but they may come in useful for something. 

I just messaged an old acquaintance on MySpace, it would be nice if she messaged me back and wanted to actually talk.  I am also anxiously awaiting news of Act II by The Protomen, because they are awesome, and hopefully will save the world.

You can see our iLike song playlist over to the right now...  It doesn't really get us anything, but listen if you'd like.  I am also working on getting together an iPhone app, because i am a loser, and i wanted another way to get people's attention.

I have somehow become obsessed with Red Knight from Castle Crashers.  He is just so cool.

Somehow i am getting followers on twitter.  I am not actively looking for them, but, there they are. 

I need a distraction, and someone to talk to, but i don't have either right now.  If anyone is bored, drop me a line? 

I am going to go make a sandwich, and take some advil, and try to get away from the world.

~

kiss, a simple kiss
you tease me with, your crimson lips
your laughter shows me where i've gone astray

So i woke this morning to my mother crying because she can't get a new car, and no one in the rest of the family will help her. They don't understand the way her life is... and all i can do is sit here and try to help the best i can.

But honestly, i am so tired, and so lonely, and i need to do things for me. Not to sound selfish, and really, if you don't know me, this will... but when will someone else do things for me?

A scenario was presented before me the other day, and it was honestly the best thing i could ever dream of, but all it was was an idle thought, something that will never come to fruition, and that kills me inside. I want to be able to surrender to what is, and what is to be. I want to live and let live. But why is it that in all of this, i am last? Why can't my happiness be as important to me as everyone else's? Why can't my happiness be as important to anyone, as everyone else's?

This will make all of you twelve steppers laugh, at least those of you that get it...  I am listening to "Thirteenth Step" by A Perfect Circle.  It should be helping, but it isn't. 

God damn me.  I am not asking for that much, i never would do that.  I say these words now like it will help, like she will read them and change her mind...  She won't even read this, so fuck it.  Honestly, i am so glad she is happy.  What should i even do?  I am never going to be happy with things as they are. 

No one knows how badly i want to just get fucked up and never return.  Never once have i ever given in to that, but i need to find a way to change how i feel.  I need to find a way to make it through or to end it quickly. 

I begged for help in a txt to her earlier.  The funny thing is, her phone is off for the weekend, so she can't hear me.  How fucking lame am i?  I am reaching out in all directions hoping someone will care.  You know, i don't think anyone ever will again, if they ever did.  The thing is, i know she cares.  I know it... and that makes me feel good...  Yet, come the end of the day, i want the little things that make me feel better and i don't care how that effects anyone else.  I want what i want for me and i couldn't care less about anything else right now. 

A friend of mine is in the hospital.  I won't talk about it, but my thoughts are with him.

I don't really have a good resolution for this post, because i don't think anything will get any better... so i am just going to go.

~