Brokensanity

What is 50 shades of grey about? And what's so bad about it? from Anonymous

aconissa:

50 Shades of Grey was originally fanfiction based on the Twilight series, which was then published as a novel (along with 2 subsequent books). It sold over 100 million copies around the world and topped best-seller lists everywhere. It’s about to be adapted into a film, set to come out early next year.

It follows a college student named Ana Steele, who enters a relationship with a man named Christian Grey and is then introduced to a bastardised and abusive parody of BDSM culture.

While the book is paraded as erotica, the relationship between Ana and Christian is far from healthy. The core mantra of the BDSM community is “safe, sane and consensual”, and 50 Shades is anything but. None of the rules of BDSM practices (which are put in place to protect those involved) are actually upheld. Christian is controlling, manipulative, abusive, takes complete advantage of Ana, ignores safe-words, ignores consent, keeps her uneducated about the sexual practices they’re taking part in, and a multitude of other terrible things. Their relationship is completely sickening and unhealthy.

Basically, “the book is a glaring glamorisation of violence against women,” as Amy Bonomi so perfectly put it. 

It’s terrible enough that a book like this has been absorbed by people worldwide. Now, we have a film that is expected to be a huge box-office success, and will likely convince countless more young women that it’s okay not to have any autonomy in a relationship, that a man is allowed to control them entirely. It will also show many young men that women are theirs to play with and dominate, thus contributing to antiquated patriarchal values and rape culture.


bleedingfragments:

Shadows. We believe all of the horrors of man live in the shadows. Over my life I have learned that if you explore the shadows, the hidden parts of life, the forbidden, you will find the most wonderful and beautiful treasures. I live for these discoveries, and sometimes I wonder if they will kill me. 
The deepest darkest secret of man is that our horrors are right in front of us, in the open, waiting for the opportunity to strike. 
Do not accept what you expect to be true, investigate, live.
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bleedingfragments:

Shadows. We believe all of the horrors of man live in the shadows. Over my life I have learned that if you explore the shadows, the hidden parts of life, the forbidden, you will find the most wonderful and beautiful treasures. I live for these discoveries, and sometimes I wonder if they will kill me. 

The deepest darkest secret of man is that our horrors are right in front of us, in the open, waiting for the opportunity to strike. 

Do not accept what you expect to be true, investigate, live.


I was molested and raped by a family friend when I was younger and it went on for a couple years actually until I was 8. I know that's a sad way of starting off a question, but now that I'm 23, I don't know why but rape scenarios or being a sub is what gets me off.. What is wrong with me?.. Why is something that traumatized me when I was younger be something that I crave for..? from Anonymous

sarcosine:

bdsmgeek:

submissivefeminist:

Rape fantasies are actually really common among survivors of sexual violence because it allows us to take control of a situation where we had none in the past. Acting out a violent situation like this with a trusting partner allows you to reclaim your right to take back the situation, and to stop if need be. Safewords are really important here, obviously, as is aftercare.

There is nothing wrong with you. You experienced a trauma that was not under your control and your desires to act this out may be to take that feeling back or it may have nothing at all to do with it. Many survivors think, “If I have rape fantasies it means I wanted it, right?” No. There is a huge difference between wanting to act it out in a controlled, healthy, and safe dynamic and having it happen to you against your will.

Trust me when I say you’re okay. Trust me when I tell you this is common and that this can be an effective supplement to recovery, if that’s something you want to try. Read my guide on aftercare before you do it, but don’t think you shouldn’t try it because of your past.

What happened to you is not your fault. These fantasies are not a reason to feel guilty or bad. You did nothing wrong and you deserve to be happy and safe. Please don’t ever think you’re wrong for wanting to try something in a consensual sexual relationship. Please remember that your trauma should not control your life like that.

xx SF

Agreed, having dealt with a traumatized partner, its important for you to share your feelings with your partner so they can support you and help you along the way as well.

This is so important.